


All you ever did was wreck me

by hope_calaris



Series: The Road to Hell (is Paved With Good Intentions) [25]
Category: The Tomorrow People (2013)
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-25
Updated: 2014-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-02 15:33:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1058483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hope_calaris/pseuds/hope_calaris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The morning after. John doesn't take it too well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [uena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/uena/gifts).



> It has nothing to do with the story, but I've gotten engaged over the weekend! <3

_Yesterday was our time to turn back again  
and instead we went through the fire to get lost in sin_

\- Phillip Phillips

Jedikiah wakes up and fully expects to have a sleeping John lying next to him. He expects John’s arm thrown over his torso, not being able to move an inch, maybe later the question if Jedikiah can make waffles.

What he doesn’t expect is John already getting dressed, looking lost and haunted while the sunlight turns his hair golden.

“You’re up early,” Jedikiah says with a yawn.

“Haven’t slept in in ages,” John replies, shrugs, and doesn’t meet his eyes. “I think my body’s forgotten how to do it.”

Jedikiah just nods, because he’s really not the type to react to the underlying message here, to the _life on the run doesn’t lend itself to lazy mornings_.  But he sees the signs, John’s tired eyes, the lines in his face -- it’s just something he can’t change. John chose this life, chose to leave Jedikiah and Ultra behind.

“Your body certainly hasn’t forgotten some other things,” Jedikiah says instead, because being blunt has always done wonders to rattle John’s composure. And right on cue John blushes. It looks adorable on him, just like it always did, and Jedikiah wants to reach out and kiss him senseless, but he doesn’t. John walks up and down next to the windows like a caged animal, and he doesn’t want to spook him. He enjoys being close to him again too much to risk John running away again so soon. “Why don’t you sit down, I can make us --  ”

“Don’t,” John interrupts him. “Don’t turn this into some cuddly scene in which you offer me breakfast like … no, we’re not -- ”, he wrings his hands, “we’re not _this_.”

“We’re not _what_ , John?” Jedikiah asks and sits up. He gets the feeling he should have gotten coffee for this conversation beforehand.

“Normal,” John presses out between his lips and he looks like the word alone pains him. “You have no qualms ordering people to get killed, and I’m … I’m so far away from being normal they probably need a new word to define me.”

“John, who cares about being normal? You’re perfectly fine the way you are. You’re per - ” He doesn’t get to end the sentence, because John’s hand shots out and then Jedikiah is pressed against the headboard of the bed. He blinks in wonder, because this is certainly a first. In all the years spent together, John has never ever used his powers against him.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he says and his breath hitches. He looks like he’s torn between crying and raging.

“John, calm down,” Jedikiah says, struggling to breathe under the force John uses to hold him in place. He can’t move a finger.

“Stop. Talking.”

Jedikiah ignores him, because breathing really has become a chore by now. He wouldn’t say he’s close to panic yet, but there’s a pressure on his windpipe that feels decidedly unpleasant. “John … please,” he whispers, his breath rattling.

It does the trick. John makes a sound like a wounded animal and collapses against the wall the same moment the pressure vanishes like it was never there in the first place. If Jedikiah weren’t so busy catching his breath, he’d admire the demonstration of power he was just a witness to. It takes a few minutes before he feels steady enough to cross the gap between them, but then he’s crouching down next to John.

“Darling, hey,” he whispers and runs a hand gently through John’s unruly hair. “When was the last time you got a decent night’s sleep?” The laugh he gets as a response hurts almost more than suffocating from John’s powers. “Oh, darling,” he says and wraps his arms around John’s shivering form. John feels cold to the touch, and once again Jedikiah is reminded of the price John paid for the Annex project. Messed up body heat only one side effect among many. “What do you want?” He asks, because this time he feels he can’t force John to do anything, or rather -- he knows could force him, but he simply doesn’t want to. This isn’t John, the fearless leader, the killer; this is the John he picked up from an abusive home years and years ago, the too kind kid who would only ever fight in earnest to protect someone else. It’s John who doesn’t know what to do or where to turn, and it makes Jedikiah’s heart ache in ways he didn’t know he was still capable of. He doesn’t want to let go of John right now, wants to put him under a warm blanket instead and let him sleep till he’s fully rested, but it’s not his decision to make he realizes. But he realizes another thing in the same moment: that John’s always been awful at taking care of himself, never dared to ask anything for himself, so Jedikiah takes matters into his own hands. “You can stay here. Rest in the bed or on the couch, I don’t care. I’ll leave you alone if you want that, or I can sit with you. Make you something to eat or drink -- doesn’t have to be waffles,” he adds with a self-deprecating smile. “Just … ” he trails off, because he doesn’t know how to put his feelings into words; the ache to know that he’s responsible for most of this mess and still doesn’t really feel sorry for it.

“Bed,” John finally says after a long time. “And stay.”

“Okay, okay,” Jedikiah nods. “I’ll stay. Promise.”


	2. Chapter 2

_This isn't easy  
This isn't clear_

\- Ben Rector

 

Jedikiah hasn’t done this in ages -- taking care of someone, that is. Neither has he sat this immobile in a long, long time.

But then, John has always been his one exception, the one person he was willing to bend and break every rule for. It’s a bit ridiculous, he thinks, that after all the time it’s still John who can undo him completely without even trying.

“We’re going to crash and burn, aren’t we?” John’s whispered words pull him out of his musings, and he looks down to where John’s head is nestled into his arm. He hadn’t noticed him waking up.

“We are … ” Jedikiah wants to deny John’s prediction, but the truth is he doesn’t see any way for them to _not_ crash and burn. They’re two sides of the same coin, forever stuck together without ever being really eye to eye. “I honestly have no idea,” he finally answers, and the words feel like splintered glass passing his lips. He’s not used to _not_ having the answers, to _not_ calculate for at least a dozen possible futures and have a back-up plan in place for each and every possible outcome, no matter how unlikely. But John deserves the truth, deserves to know that Jedikiah can’t offer him anything besides himself and the promise to try his best to do right by him. And that’s another surprising thought, because the one thing he is a hundred percent sure of is that he won’t let any further harm come to John.

“The one time I wouldn’t mind you lying, and you decide to be brutally honest,” John says with a shake of his head and sits up.

“I’m sorry?” he offers.

“No, don’t, don’t apologize,” John shakes his head and looks at him. “Did it … Did I … ?” And at first Jedikiah doesn’t know what he means, but then John tentatively reaches out with his right hand to touch Jedikiah’s throat, his gentle fingers ghosting over the fine scar left behind by the mugger that nearly took John away from him all these years ago, and Jedikiah understands.

“It’s okay, John,” he says and takes John’s hand in his. “You didn’t hurt me. And I may have deserved it, anyway.”

“You didn’t,” John disagrees with him, and of course he would. “It’s not like you forced me to do -- ”

“I did force you to come with me to that bar, didn’t I?” Jedikiah interrupts him.

“Would you really have hurt Irene if I hadn’t come with you?”

Jedikiah really wants to say _No_ , to prove that he’s not a monster, but the truth is -- he hasn’t be so sure about the limits he’d go to for John -- and to be _with_ John in a long time.

“I’m not a nice person, John,” is the answer he finally settles on.

“I know, but neither am I.”

“This is ridiculous,” Jedikiah can’t help but reply immediately. “You’re the nicest person I know.”

“Nice people don’t kill.”

And that shuts Jedikiah up. He blinks at John, not having the faintest clue what to say to this. In his eyes, killing people didn’t make John a monster, it made him someone who knew the stakes and was ready to act accordingly. It didn’t take away from John being way too caring and open and _nice._

It wasn’t a contradiction for Jedikiah.

“I wish I could still say I hate you,” John says quietly, absent-minded, as if he doesn’t really want Jedikiah to hear the words.

“I wish it were still that easy,” Jedikiah admits.

“But it never was, not really, was it? We just liked to pretend.”

Jedikiah nods, because it is the truth after all. He knew the moment he first laid eyes on John that he was someone special, someone worth his attention … and love. He sighs, and then -- because he can’t stand the idea of losing John -- promises himself that they won’t crash and burn, at least not together.

“I’ll take care of you, you won’t crash and burn,” he promises aloud and bends down to put a kiss on John’s head.

“I wish I could believe you.”

“Just pretend you do for the time being.”

John stares at him like it’s one of his crazier ideas, but eventually he nods. “Okay,” he says, and then, “Waffles now?” And it’s so abrupt a change, Jedikiah can’t help but chuckle quietly.

 “Waffles it is,” he says and gets up to make breakfast.

_\- fin_


End file.
